4 Minute Read
We love goals. In fact, to paraphrase Buddy the Elf, goals are our favorite.
But just like there are a wide variety of goals to set, there are also a wide variety of goal-setters. Some are awesome, and others … not so much.
To help you identify the types of goal-setters in your life—as well as which type of goal-setter you are—we put together this handy-dandy list.
So what type of goal-setter are you?
It’s December 31, and the Dreamer realizes he hasn’t set any goals for 2013. “What do I want to accomplish?” he asks himself. Within minutes, he has the answer: “I know! I want to climb Mount Everest this year! Backwards!” There’s a problem though. The Dreamer is 50 pounds overweight. And diabetic. And seriously out of shape. And, well, it’s Mount Everest. Dreams are awesome—Jon Acuff wrote a whole book about them—but let’s be realistic here.
Don’t you just want to punch him sometimes? You’re at a New Year’s party talking about how you want to lose 10 pounds this year, and this guy, he pipes up and says, “My goals for the year are 3% body fat, a 50-mile ultramarathon, perfecting my cappuccino crème brûlée recipe, finally reading all of Shakespeare’s works in French, learning French, and opening a pet shelter for the 17 stray dogs I adopted last year. So how do you plan on losing that 10 pounds?”
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Dude, really, goals are so, like, overrated. If I wanted to, like, do goals or something, I would, like, go to class more often and stuff. Oh, I know a goal, man! This year, I want to, like, finally beat warmonger45629 at Call of Duty: Black Ops on Xbox Live. That’s, like, a hardcore goal because he’s, like, ranked 47 in the nation in Call of Duty. Dude, like, goals. Dude.
The Generalist means well. It’s just that to make real goals, you need to be specific. The following are bad goals: Lose weight. Run more. Read more. Spend more time with friends. And the following are good goals: Lose 20 pounds. Run 10 miles a week. Read five books. Go out with friends at least once a month. Make your goals specific or you’ll have no way of keeping track of your progress.
If you’re the Tactician, your thought process might go something like this: 12 months in the year means I need to have 12 goals with weekly progress reports on each goal and a quarterly update on how my overall goal-achievement experience has been. Everything must be recorded in either written or digital form and archived for future reference. In the unlikely event that I fail at achieving a goal, I must complete a post-mortem analysis with a full inspection of why I was unable to reach an acceptable level of success in that area.
The Judgey McJudgerson
“Why in the world do you want to run a half-marathon? Do you know what that could do to your knees? People die! Don’t be so stupid!” The Judgey McJudgerson might say something like that to you when you reveal your 2013 goals. He actually has the nerve to judge you for something that is good for you! Why? Because Judgey McJudgerson is a sad, sad man.
Somebody’s got to do it, right? You set a goal to read War and Peace, and you just finished War and Peace! Someone’s got to know. So you hop on Facebook and share it with the world. And, you know what? That’s okay! Especially if you’ve been talking about your goals and asking your friends to help you with accountability. So toot that horn!
You know who doesn’t set goals? The guy sitting on the sideline. The guy who’s not in the game, sweating and working his butt off. But you know what that guy is more than happy to do? Make fun of your goals. He’ll point out your mistakes while he’s on the sideline eating a sandwich. If you’ve made some ambitious goals for 2013, the Sideline-Sitters will come out of the woodwork. Get ready for them. And be sure to tell them that while they are at it, to make you a sandwich too. You’re going to be mighty hungry and tired after beating the crap out of your goals all year. Hold the cheese, Mr. Sideline-Sitter.
Did you see someone you know in the above list?
Better yet, did you see yourself?
What are some of the types of goal-setters we missed?