Time to Man Up, Son

Rita has a 37-year-old son living at home, and he won't work. He plays computer games all day and didn't work at all last year. It's time for her son to man up, and Dave explains how to make that happen.

QUESTION: Rita in Ann Arbor has a 37-year-old son living at home, and he won’t work. He plays computer games all day and didn’t work at all last year. It’s time for her son to man up, and Dave explains how to make that happen.

ANSWER: The way you’re saying this, you’re just indicating he’s lazy. You’ve put up with this for 20 years. Do you want to abuse him? Because that’s what you’re doing. You’ve done great harm. You have a 37-year-old boy in your house instead of a man.

I think you should sit down with him and apologize to him and throw him out. Tell him he’s got 10 days to move. That’s going to be harsh, isn’t it? It’s going to be very hard to do because that’s not the way your spirit works, but you and I both know that he’s not going anywhere good right now. Something has to change, doesn’t it?

Let me be his dad for a minute. I’m going to tell his mom that in spite of her nurturing, sweet, kind-heart instincts, she’s doing him great harm, and I’m going to step in as the dad and just say in order for him to become a man—the man that God wants him to be—he needs to be on his own. The dads are the ones that take them out in the backyard and run in the mud, right? That’s what I’m doing right now because I care about him too, and he can take his Nintendo or whatever it is with him. But he has to leave.

As a single mom raising this kid, you have sacrificed and worked and worked your fingers to the bone until you had bony fingers. Do you believe, looking back on it, that that struggle has made you a stronger, better person? He needs some struggle. It’s going to make him a better person. You need to help him have some problems. Problems are good for us. It’s not going to kill him.

He’s got 10 days. If you want to give him 30, you can, but don’t you give him 31 days. April Fool’s, the fool is gone. I’m not being mean. I’m just laughing with you, but you and I both know this has got to come to an end. That’s why you called me. Love your son well. Throw him out.

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