Interrupter CheckmarkInterrupter IconFacebookGoogle PlusInstagramGroupRamsey SolutionsTwitterYouTubeExpand MenuStoreCloseSearchExpand MenuBackStoreSign in

Ask Dave

The Money's Ahead Of You

Betty is 64 and dating. She wants to marry a 73-year-old man. His plan is to give his home to his children and live with Betty. Betty wants him to invest half in her home. Is she right?

QUESTION: Betty in Indianapolis has been dating a man for four years, and she’s 64. After a 35-year marriage, she swore she’d never marry again, but now she wants to marry this 73-year-old man. They’re discussing finances, and Betty still works part time. His plan is to give his home to his children and live with Betty. Betty wants him to invest half in her home. Is she right?

ANSWER: So all of his wealth goes to his children, and you feed him until he dies? That’s a really good plan. I think I’d be attracted to you, too. How about all of your wealth goes to your children, and he feeds you until he dies? I think he is dipping into your wealth. He wants you to take care of him and for all of his wealth to go to his kids.

I think what we’re discovering here is he has a love affair with his money. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What he is saying and what he is doing is telling us where his heart is. You guys have some more work to do on this relationship so that you get ahead of the money in the relationship. Right now, the money’s ahead of you.

I think this guy just likes the idea of not being lonely, but he doesn’t like you that much yet. I’m a little frustrated with that if I’m you. I think you guys need some relationship counseling because right now, if you were my older sister, I would tell you to hold off. I don’t think this is a relationship that is ready for marriage, because his kids and his money are ahead of you. You’re now third in line. If something happens to him, you can count on you having problems, because he’s going to set up everything in his life to take care of the money and the inheritance and that kind of stuff ahead of you. I’m not saying he has to give it all to you. I’m just saying you guys have got to talk through these things, and there has to be some level of balance. Right now, all I hear is him clinging to everything and not taking care of you. And if you’re my older sister, I want him willing to take a bullet for you before he gets married to you. He’s got to be willing to take care of you before he gets married to you. He has to be ready to put you ahead of the money before he gets married to you.

I do not think you are ready for marriage yet. I think you’ve got some in-depth pre-marriage counseling to do. You may want to do that with a financial counselor to help you work through some of these things. Right now, there are danger signs all over this conversation.