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Ask Dave

Talking to His Folks

Jake is concerned about his parents' financial situation. He's attempted to talk to them about the Baby Steps, but Jake's father is convinced it won't work.

QUESTION: Jake in Indianapolis is concerned about his parents’ financial situation. They haven’t been saving for retirement and faced foreclosure, and Jake feels their future is uncertain. He’s attempted to talk to them about the Baby Steps, but Jake’s father is convinced it won’t work for him. What can Jake say to get his parents to hear the message he’s trying to send them?

ANSWER: You are facing the powdered-butt syndrome. Once someone has powdered your butt, they don’t care about your opinion regarding money or sex. They are saying they don’t really want your advice on these things. They went to one of our live events with you out of courtesy, but it didn’t take.

The book of Proverbs says hope deferred makes the heart sick. This is a sickness of heart when someone says it can’t work for them. Start with getting him a book for Christmas. I don’t think he’s interested in it; he’s just going along with whatever you say. He doesn’t intend to do anything.

You can’t make people want to win. Someone asked me how I motivate people on my team. I don’t motivate people on my team. I hire motivated people and put them in a motivating environment. I don’t motivate people. I’ve hired people to work here who just weren’t motivated, so I fired them.

I can’t make someone want to work hard and be passionate and believe in the future. I can’t make you do that. You’ve got to decide to do that. I can put you in situations where, if you want help, I can show you how to do it. But I can’t make people want help. That’s what you’re trying to do here.

I would give them a book and pray for them. The only other thing I can think of is that if there is a person they admire in terms of their character and their success, and that person speaks into their life, they would hear that person. They would not be hearing you.

If they have an uncle or a family friend that they’ve always admired, you might tell them to talk to that person because they need someone to convince them that they can win.

It’s really frustrating when someone you love won’t do the basic things that you know would lead to results if they did them.