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Ask Dave

None of Your Business!

Travis says his in-laws started accessing their banking documents online using his wife's information. They're doing it again, so how can Travis stop them?

QUESTION: Travis in Nashville says about seven years ago, his in-laws started accessing their banking documents online using his wife’s information. They were monitoring Travis and his wife’s accounts. They’re doing it again, so how can Travis stop them? Dave tells Travis they have to close their bank account and get another one.

ANSWER: You are closing your bank account today. I don’t care if you want to close it or not. You can’t keep these nosy, unbelievably misbehaving people from misbehaving. You can’t refinance the house for this, but you can close your checking account there, and then you go get all up in your banker’s stuff. I can’t believe they can’t set these accounts up to where your in-laws can’t get in them.

Ask your mother-in-law how long she wants to go to jail for. I don’t care if the grandkids don’t know their grandparents, because they are crooks. I want to threaten them with jail because you’ve addressed this three different times over a decade! At what point are these freaks going to get an idea that this is not all right?

They’re freaks! Who the crap lets their in-laws go through their bank account? That’s like letting them go through your underwear drawer! These people are freaks! This is unbelievable! They don’t have anything to do but sit around and screw in your business, so you’re going to have to get them straightened up.

That’s the problem. You can’t put up enough barriers that they can’t figure out a way to get in, because it’s their job to hack your daggum life! I’m putting a stop to this crap! Thanksgiving dinner is going to taste a little different.

You started out nice, but this has gone on over a decade. What kind of sick puppies think this is okay? The father-in-law knows your paycheck amount, and he’s so stupid he comes and asks you about it. What kind of freak doesn’t think you’d mind? This is like the guy on “Meet the Fockers.”

Threaten them, and maybe they’ll get the idea that this is illegal. The bank is going to have a boot up their butt about this, starting today. I’m going to start raising Cain with everybody involved. We’re shutting the freak show down, baby. This is over.

You need to get Mr. Military to understand that we’re getting ready to jack his life up if he doesn’t quit snooping around in stuff that isn’t his business. Let the bank know they are getting a violation of privacy, and this is the third time to report it, and you’re going to report them to the Federal Trade Commission if they don’t shut these freak shows down out of your daggum business! Unbelievable!

It’s unbelievable you’ve let this go on for a decade. That’s on you. I’ll talk calmly one time to someone about this. The second time, the calmness leaves. The third time, there’s going to be action that’s measurable. And that’s all in 90 days. Don’t come in talking to me about what I made last month without me jacking you up when you’re not supposed to have that information.