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Ask Dave

Integrity Issue

Katie's husband asked her for separate finances. She discovered he was having an affair. He wants to work things out now. Dave thinks his actions will speak louder than his words.

QUESTION: Katie in Orlando has been married for four years. Last November, her husband asked her to create separate finances, and she went along with it for the sake of her marriage. This past February, she discovered he was having an affair and left him. She also questions his small business practices. He wants to work things out now. Dave thinks his actions will speak louder than his words.

ANSWER: He had an affair, and now he wants to make things work with you. I think whether he wants this to work or not is indicated by the actions he takes, not the words that he uses. He needs to repent, which means to turn away from stupidity and walk toward something smarter.

You two need to invest everything emotionally, spiritually and relationship-wise into this marriage to make it work. That obviously means him turning away from this lady and anything like her forever, or it’s an instant deal breaker.

There is a theme you’re describing with him, and that theme is a lack of integrity. He has a problem with the truth, be it to you or the government. He cuts corners to get by with things. That’s got to be fixed in him before he is qualified to have reconciliation. Otherwise, you don’t need to pursue it.

Should you try? Yes. But he needs to address these integrity breakdowns. If he does work on it, meets with your pastor, doesn’t talk inappropriately to other women, and runs his business right, then give it a shot. But I don’t think this guy will pull that off.

I can understand if you have a problem with being divorced, but I have a bigger problem with being married to this guy.