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Ask Dave

Close To Being Over

Laura and her husband have his and hers accounts. Laura doesn’t think he trusts her. Dave tells Laura she has a marriage problem, and they need marriage counseling.

QUESTION: Laura in Memphis and her husband are on different pages when it comes to money. It’s split into his and hers. Laura doesn’t think he trusts her because his ex-wife couldn’t handle money. Dave tells Laura she has a marriage problem, and they need marriage counseling.

ANSWER: It’s a trust issue. It’s a screwed-up relationship. The money is not together because of marriage problems, not money problems. The marriage needs to be worked on. Then the money will come together. Either that or he will lose his wife because he won’t share his life with you.

To just flip the switch and tell him you are done with the marriage is wrong. You go to the person and tell them you’ll give this 30 more days and if you don’t see some behavior change in the person, like their willingness to go to marriage counseling, then you are leaving at the end of the month.

Guys are thick. Even though you have said it several times, he may have no clue of how thin a patch of ice he’s on. He may not care, but he may not have any clue. I think you need proper coaching from your counselor on how to properly give an ultimatum. I have worked with a lot of people who went through a divorce who ended up wishing that they had given the marriage everything they could.