Interrupter CheckmarkInterrupter IconFacebookGoogle PlusInstagramGroupRamsey SolutionsTwitterYouTubeExpand MenuStoreCloseSearchExpand MenuBackStoreSign in

Ask Dave

Bad Business Deal With Mom

Christy quit her full-time job to take care of her grandmother. She asked her mother to pay her with an agreement in writing. Now her mother is refusing to pay.

QUESTION: Christy in Louisville recently quit her full-time job to take care of her grandmother. She asked her mother to pay her with an agreement in writing since she’s power of attorney. Christy’s home has been renovated for this, and now her mother is refusing to pay and says the renovations are enough. Dave says she can’t afford to care for her grandmother.

ANSWER: Your mother is a person who has major issues. She’s a messed up chick. What you’ve got to do from a business standpoint is get away from her. You’re not going to be able to care for your grandmother. I’m very sorry. You’re not going to get paid because you’re dealing with a crazy woman. Haven’t you figured this out? It breaks my heart, too, but I’m the guy who says out loud what you already know in your intellect. Now you’ve got to act on it.

Someone else is going to have to care for your grandmother. Deliver her to your mom. Take her over there tonight and drop her off. Just say, “Deal off. I’ve got to go look for a job.” Be as nice as you can. Go ahead and call your mom and tell her you’re bringing Granny tonight. You’re going to load her stuff up and you’re bringing her tonight. You don’t need to be mad. You just need to be calm because here’s the deal: You did a deal with a crazy person, and you knew you did a deal with a crazy person. The problem isn’t what it was for. When you have to transact with crazy, your transactions are always going to be screwed up.

Call your mom right now and just say, “I talked to my financial counselor, and he says I have to quit caring for Grandmother and I’m going to have to go look for a job. I’m going to bring Grandmother over to your house tonight and bring her stuff. I’m not going to work this way.” One of two things is going to happen. One is your mother adds drama to everything, and the second thing she does is she’s a travel agent for guilt trips. She’s dysfunctional, and that’s why I can figure this out. She’s going to go into drama mode, and she’s going to try to guilt you.

If it were a private service, how long do you think they would take care of your grandmother without pay? None. You are a private service, darling. This has nothing to do with your grandmother. You can love your grandmother. For that matter, you can love your crazy mother. You just have to do it at a distance because she’s crazy.

When you do this, she is not going to accept your decision. She’s going to go into orbit. You just have to be calm and smiling and be ready to deal with her orbit. While she circles the moon, you just smile. When she circles the sun, you smile again. She’s just going to do that. We just know that because that’s how she operates. That’s how she’s gotten her way by being belligerent her whole life. It’s time for somebody to go, “No. No. No. No. No. No.”

If she wants you to care for your grandmother and promises to pay, the only way she can do that is if she turns over six months’ worth of the money to an independent party and put it in an account with an attorney. The attorney will draft to pay you. Otherwise, you can’t trust her. We’ve already found that out. No matter what she promises, no matter how she begs, no matter how she cries, the only way she can do that is by close of business tomorrow, she has to have an attorney set up, and then you’ll come pick your grandmother back up. But you’re dropping her either way. It’s not because you don’t love your grandmother. This is not because you don’t love your mother, for that matter. We’re just accepting the situation.

You have to have an income to pay your bills and to eat. This is morally wrong. It’s unbelievable emotional sabotage that has been done to you. You are the victim in this situation. You have to take a stand or you will continue to be a victim. If you do not do exactly what I outlined, you deserve what you get, which is you’re going to get messed over. And you deserve it because you’re going to be a wimp if you do that. It’s not because I’m telling you somehow you’ve got to be mean to somebody. That’s not the point. You cannot afford to do otherwise in this situation.