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Ask Dave

What Is The Real Problem?

Dave's guest, Rabbi Daniel Lapin, helps Debbie uncover a problem in her marriage that comes up when they talk about tithing.

QUESTION: Debbie feels like she and her husband are on completely different pages regarding tithing. They are about to buy a home that she thinks they can’t afford. She feels that what the home is costing them; God should be getting. Dave’s guest, Rabbi Daniel Lapin, doesn’t think this is a money or house question, but something else.

ANSWER: It sounds to me like the question is a marriage question. The idea is that when a husband and wife get married, and the wife honors her husband to the point of being willing to allow him to support her, then she becomes a full partner in all decisions. That seems to be the area that you two need to focus on.

The frustration is that, at some point, you’ve either diminished yourself because you don’t go into the workplace or he has diminished you. The point is that your vote needs to count, and it doesn’t sound like it’s counting here.

The important thing is that this decision needs to be put on hold with respect to the house. You guys need to focus on your system of marriage operation first.