You Can't Bail

Casey says she and her husband are totally consumed with money. They're out of debt and have a fully funded emergency fund, but they still have a lot of gazelle intensity, and Casey is tired of it.

QUESTION: Casey in Savannah says she and her husband are totally consumed with money. They’re out of debt and have a fully funded emergency fund, but they still have a lot of gazelle intensity, and Casey is tired of it. She’s allowing her husband to take care of all the finances now. Dave thinks Casey needs to carry part of the weight of this.

ANSWER: It’s not okay for you to bail out and just get an allowance. It’s not okay for him to do that to you. It’s not okay for you to accept that. You need to stop it. You’ve got to carry the weight with him. The reason you wanted it was because you got tired of him putting the screws to everything. You got tired of him griping about every little stinking thing. That was your method of getting him off your back. We’ve got to stop that.

You guys aren’t working together. He’s driving so hard he’s dragging you down the road. That is not what we teach. We want couples to work together. Both of you have a vote. You are there to tell Mr. Gung-Ho to lighten up. That’s why God put you in his life. He’s there to tell you to tighten up—only he’s winning all the arguments here.

It’s not okay. It’s not the right way to do this. The problem is it won’t last. You’re running out of emotional energy being treated like a little girl given an allowance instead of a woman who has a say in her marriage and in her future.

There ought to be some wiggle room in this budget. He’s just pushed the pedal to the metal, and you need to tell him to lighten up a little bit. At this stage of the game, you guys should be enjoying some of your money as well as accomplishing these goals. You should be able to do that with the numbers you gave me.

You cannot bail out on this. He cannot force you out of the discussion with his intimidation. It’s got to stop. You guys have to be on the same page because you won’t maintain it. You’ll burn out on it. Get your vote back.

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