The Free Spirit Husband

Susan has a free spirit husband who was on board until he realized he'd have to save for things he wants. Now he believes he isn't allowed to dream. How can Susan get him back on board?

QUESTION: Susan in Texas has a free spirit husband who was on board until he realized he would have to save for the things he wants. Now he believes he isn’t allowed to dream. How can Susan get him back on board with the plan? Dave tells Susan her husband needs to grow up.

ANSWER: Well, call the wah-mbulance. Waaaah! I can’t dream anymore because I can’t spend like I’m a congressman. Sorry, wuss. I mean, really, you’ve got to be a grown-up and save up and pay for things and be responsible to your family. And that means you can’t dream? Oh, my dreams have been squelched by Dave Ramsey! Oh, brother. Give me a break. Seriously. Really?

Here’s a plan. How about actually setting a dream that doesn’t become a freaking nightmare? How about setting a dream and then developing the step-by-step plans to execute and live your dream? That would be called goal-setting. That would be called visionary. These are all grown-up words, though. You have to wear big-boy pants.

How do you solve this without a power struggle? You don’t! A power struggle is in full order here. Listen, children do what feels good. Adults devise a plan and follow it. One definition of maturity is learning to delay pleasure. The Bible says it this way: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but it yields a harvest of righteousness.” I’m sorry, but grown-ups have a clue. They don’t have to be nerds with a pocket protector and a laptop tied to their belt loops. That’s not what I’m talking about. But you have to have a little bit of restraint. That’s part of being a grown-up.

Susan, what’s in order here is for your man to man up. If that requires a power struggle, it’s about 20 years overdue.