Healing With Caution

Penny discovered her husband was having an affair. They’re trying to put the marriage back together. She has an account with six months of expenses in her name only and would like to keep it just in case. What does Dave say?

QUESTION: Penny in Rockford discovered her husband was having an affair. Now they’re trying to put their marriage back together. She has an account with six months of expenses in her name only and would like to keep it just in case. What does Dave say? Dave thinks it’s fine for a period of time.

ANSWER: Absolutely. I agree with you. He lost all of his rights when he jumped in another bed—for a period of time. You guys are working on that, and you’re trying to work through that breach of trust and that loss of respect, and you’re trying to see if you can put this back together. I admire both of you for that. There’s a high probability of failure, but you guys can make it if you decide to—if you’re forgiving and if he does the steps to regain the trust. This can be a step to regain trust. It’s not that he’s being punished, but it is the result of his misbehavior.

Your need for this was created by his misbehavior. It’s not punishment, but it is the fruit of the mess he’s made. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have this need. At some point, you guys need to determine some actions and some timeframes for declaring this over. Five years from now, I don’t want you still sitting there insecure and no healing has occurred. When healing occurs, you’ve got to go back to combining everything and having a life together.