American Distress's Morons and Idiots
Dan works for American Express and emails Dave to tell Dave he owes his listeners an apology for telling them that credit card companies are criminal. Dave has something to say about that.
QUESTION: Dan in New York works for American Express and emails Dave to tell Dave he owes his listeners an apology for telling them that credit card companies are criminal. Dave has something to say about that.
ANSWER: I don’t owe an apology at all. I’ve dealt with your company for years, and I have a track record of dealing with enough of you to know that “morons and idiots” absolutely applies, so I do not owe you an apology—not even close. When your company—that is so freaking upstanding—starts abiding by federal law called the Federal Fair Debt Collections Practices Act and starts treating its customers like people instead of yelling at them, calling them names, calling them 63 times in a day, and lying to them, then I’ll quit calling your company morons and idiots. The collections department of American Express is completely out of control along with the collections departments of a whole bunch of other companies. You’re not by yourself in this brush that I paint with.
When you people quit misbehaving at the level that you misbehave, then I’ll quit torching you. It’s pretty simple. You have nothing to fear, Dan from New York, if you treat customers correctly, if you treat people correctly. But when you violate federal law and you lie and you abuse your customer—the consumer—to the point that complaints are filed on you with the Federal Trade Commission for your misbehavior, then you deserve what you’ve been getting, which is someone to stand up on the radio and go, "There is no chance I need anything bad enough to deal with American Distress."