Using The Grandchild For Money
David and his wife have been helping their daughter and husband, but they're not sure this is teaching them to stand on their own two feet. Dave says matching her might be in order.
QUESTION: David in North Carolina and his wife have an adopted daughter who is 24 years old. She’s been married three years and has a child who is almost a year old. David and his wife have been helping their daughter and husband, but they’re not sure this is teaching them to stand on their own two feet. Dave says matching her might be in order.
ANSWER: It’s time they learned how to handle money, because this is an endless cycle. You have three choices here, and I’ll choose the third one. The way you’ve been going, which is you just keep giving them fish, because when you pay for the daycare, he can go buy beer. Yes, you are giving them fish. You’re giving them money left and right, and it’s not working. You’re giving them a fish, and you’ve heard that saying. You could also just teach them to fish and not give them any fish. I like the third choice. Give them a fish only if they take fishing lessons. No more money unless they go to Financial Peace University and unless they get their act straightened up and turn in a budget to you and your wife that you approve. No more money. “If the kid’s hungry, send her over. We’ll feed her.” No more money. Guess what? They’ll go to class. They don’t have any problems. Every time they have a problem, they call Papa. They don’t have any problems. We’re going to help them have some problems. You and I used to solve problems when we were that age and had little ones.
Love them and smile and hold their hands and say, “When I was your age, I wish somebody had done this for me. I’m not going to give you any more money unless you go to this class. If you keep going to the class and you turn in a budget and you let me lovingly, gently coach you on how to be adults and handle your own money well, then I will help you and we’ll set up some matching things. If you don’t do the matching part, there’s not going to be a daycare, because I’m not coming up with the other $40.” She’s got it figured out that if she holds your feet to the fire when it comes to this grandbaby, you’re going to come up with the wallet. She’s figured that out, and she’s playing you. It’s not to her benefit. She’s not winning because of this.