The Weak Can't Help The Weak

Summer and her husband are 23-year-old newlyweds. They've had huge disagreements about loaning money to friends and family. Dave explains to Summer that the weak cannot help the weak.

QUESTION: Summer in Baltimore and her husband are 23-year-old newlyweds. They’ve had huge disagreements about loaning money to friends and family. Summer doesn’t think they should give them money unless they can afford to just give it to them. Dave explains to Summer that the weak cannot help the weak.

ANSWER: Your husband’s being completely irresponsible, and it’s driving you crazy. You ought to be very frustrated, because the signal he’s sending you, the way it feels to you, is you feel like he wants to take care of everybody else before he takes care of you guys. His first job is to take care of his household, and he’s not done that. You have no money in the house, 23-years-old and newly married, and he’s giving people money.

If you agreed to him giving away the money, you were wrong. Only the strong can help the weak. Broke people can’t help broke people. Your job is to get your household under control. That’s debt free, a fully funded emergency fund, and then if you have a friend in need and you want to give them $300, that’s fine. But don’t call me up saying you don’t have any money in the checking account and he’s giving people $300. I’m going to box his ears. It’s absolutely unreasonable.

You guys have to take care of you. Build up some wealth so that your husband’s generous heart, which is a good heart, can function in that gift. I’m a big giver, but I had to learn that my first gift is to my wife. My first gift is to my kids and my household. After I’ve taken care of my own household, then and only then can I do giving outside of my household. But my first generosity is to my own wife. That’s not for you to go blow money. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about stabilizing this household and making it where you guys are comfortable.

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