Question: Greg has a newlywed stepson. They bought a home but don't have the money to turn on the water. They must buy into the utilities system, and it will cost almost $2,000.The stepson called wanting money, and Greg thinks that's all right. They are also five months pregnant. Dave is worried about them learning a lesson first.

Dave Ramsey's advice: Why didn't they decide on all this before they bought a house? I don't loan money to relatives under any circumstances. I give money, but here I would do that with the stipulation that they must learn about money. If you give them $2,000, they must get on a written budget and start acting wiser with their money. I want to hear that they learned their lesson; otherwise it's like giving a drunk a drink.

Admit that you are no expert with money, but tell them you are farther along than they are. Do you have to be perfect to be a parent? No! Making mistakes with money doesn't invalidate your ability to give them advice about money with wisdom. If they are willing to be smarter, I'll write them a check.

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Question: Tiffany and her husband are on Baby Step 4. Her stepmom just had her car repossessed and wants Tiffany to lend her $1,000 to get the car out. She wants to gift this, but doesn't want Tiffany to tell her dad that she asked for the money. Something about this starts to stink with Dave.

Dave Ramsey's advice: First of all, I don't participate in lies. This is a sick family and I won't participate in that. If I'm going to help a family member, I will ask if I'm really helping the family member, or if I'm allowing them to continue in their denial. Am I giving a drunk a drink? You have to ask yourself that.

Based on the fact that she wants to deceive your father on this communication, and that the car was just repossessed this week, I didn't hear any kind of life transformation. They haven't had a change of heart or sold something or gotten an extra job or any of that.

I wouldn't give her $1,000 to get back a car she can't afford, but I would give her a $1,000 car. Go buy her a $1,000 car and give it to her if they engage in a budget and pick up extra jobs and get out of debt and so on.

Your mom is looking for the least painful way out and she knows how to play your emotions. Tell them that you want to help them, but you're going to define help very carefully. You cannot fix people; they have to choose to fix themselves.

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Question: Kelly's mother-in-law told her husband last week that they have not paid property taxes for this year. They need about $3,000. Kelly and her husband make a great income, but she's worried that helping the parents will lead to more of this.

Dave Ramsey's advice: It's very touchy. To start with, you can't do anything. He has to do that; otherwise you'll be the evil daughter-in-law. You can't give positive or negative suggestions, because they will then assume that you are the one who is withholding from them.

It depends on how far he wants to take this. Your concern is, at what point are you become enablers. This money doesn't have strings attached to it, but he needs to sit down with them and talk about getting their act together. Don't go over there shaking your finger at them, tell them about your mistakes and how you are correcting them and how you feel a sense of power over your money. You can pay the property tax for them, but tell them you don't intend on enabling their misbehavior. But he has to say that, you can't.

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