Take care of your own
Question: Jennifer and her husband have committed to paying off debt and have taken part-time jobs. Her ex-husband has quit paying child support. They have a court order ready to garnish his wages. Is it right to do that?
Dave's answer: This guy's supposed to take care of his kids! You NEED to thump him! It's not his responsibility to take care of your "stuff", but take care his kids. A stand-up guy will do that. If he can't afford to pay, that's one thing, but he needs to take care of his children!
that if a man or woman can say that they love
the child or children, I would expect them to
pay childsupport. The Bible states that I a man
does not take care of his family then he is
worse than a nonbeliever. Take him to court.
Make him step up to a higher standard.
he can be incarcerated for not paying. Also,
his driver's license can be revoked; his IRS
refund can be intercepted; he can lose his
passport privileges and he can lose any
professional licenses and recreation licenses
he may have. I'm a child support attorney.
If you can't afford to pay what is ordered, file to modify the obligation. Take care of your
children!
I also agree with the last poster somewhat.
there are alot of women who will not work because
they are laid up collecting childsupport. and the
father is still paying for extra expenses. there
is a fine line somewhere if anyone can find it.
some numbers, some formula that determines how much a father pays. The system is inadequete and sucks and needs to evaluate case by case and not apply a blanket formula. If
the courts want fathers to pay for a child's expenses, then the courts should give the father more time with his children. The courts enable the mothers to become dead beats
and reliant on the father rather than the mother being self reliant. No one was appointed to give me assistance with raising my children when my wife choose to leave the home.
No one helps me cleaning and keeping my home up where my children live part time. No one stays home now and is a home maker. So why shouldn't my ex pay me to do that if I am
required to pay not to work as hard and be responsible in her carrer. So why should fathers give money to a mother to do her job, which is to get a job, when generally all
they want is more time with their children. Why should a Dad have to pay to not see his children? Make me pay to see my children not to have them be away from me.
Incidentally, I pay my child support faitfully and on time every month.
Seems the mother of "his" son has feigned a bad back for the past several years, and because of her malady cannot be employed. She is on state assistance (California), and has been "unable" to become employed ever since they separated and later divorced. Never mind the fact that there are MANY photographs of her in nearly every year following, skiing down black diamond runs... with her so-called bad back. First of all, if your back is injured as badly as she claims, you can barely stand up, let alone snow ski. The state was uninterested in the photographs, too. They claimed they "could have been" staged. On a BLACK DIAMOND SKI RUN??? How do you do that?
They parted ways when "their" son was around 3 years old. Meanwhile, she sued him for child support, and won her suit. Her "award" was based on his averaged income over a three-year period. That first year in question he earned a LOT of money (nearly 7 digits)... but after that first year he had been virtually unemployed ever since. Didn't matter to the judge. The man was ORDERED to pay this woman $2,000 per MONTH, which he faithfully did and has continued to do ever since, even when he and his eventual wife #2 had no money to buy food or heating oil for their home.
The woman? She moved a three-hour drive away. She planned to move four STATES away, but she had moved to a new town every year and the judge finally ordered her to live in ONE TOWN until the child was of age. Meanwhile, a three-hour drive each way for a six-hour drive total... how much gas money do you have to spend each week, at these prices, when you can't even afford a box of macaroni and cheese? So how often does this man get to see this child? Because the woman claims her back hurts, and she refuses to drive more than 10 minutes if it's to drive this child to meet this man... so if he wants to see the child, he does all the driving -- in addition to paying her the money.
The child? never mind that this child was proven to NOT BE HIS CHILD when he was five years old. Do you think the judge wanted to hear that? NO! When that information was brought to the judge, the judge simply ordered the c.s. to continue, stating that since the man had been acting in the parental role, and since the man had been paying the c.s. to that date, the man was therefore "considered" to be the father, and c.s. was ordered to continue, and in the same amount -- no reduction whatsoever. That is absolutely unconscionable!!
Meanwhile, the woman was and still is blackmailing the "real" father of this child to the tune of another couple of thousand dollars per month (bank records told all -- yet again, the judge was not interested).
Fast forward to today. The boy is 17 years old, turns 18 in April, and, based on her history of deception, we all know that she will "come forward" after the boy's 18th birthday, after the money stops, to announce to the man who has been paying her all these years that she, haha, put one over on him and the boy was never his to begin with. Sad, isn't it.
The man's employment? Sparse at best. There have been times when they (he and wife #2) barely had food to eat, but the c.s. got paid in full every month. One year at Christmas the man and wife gave each other a 50¢ Snickers bar -- that was the only gift they could afford to give each other. But the c.s. was always paid.
And yes, they desperately wanted to go back to court and have the c.s. re-figured based on the man's ACTUAL salary, since he has NEVER made nearly a 7 digit-income again and has even spent a few months collecting unemployment... but they could not afford the nearly $10,000 they were told it would cost. They are only grateful to know that in another 6 months, this nightmare will at last be over.
It's just too bad they won't sue this woman... seems to me she should be paying THEM, or at least RE-PAYING what she stole from them.
I agree completely with whoever said it -- the system needs to be refigured; it is waaay out of line, and look who really suffers. In this case, it ain't the child.
~ Renee
My husband is very honorable, and always wants
to do the right thing when it comes to taking
care of his two children. He pays his child
support faithfully every month, plus medical
insurance, plus 50% of all medical co-pays,
plus any extras that come up.
I am his 2nd wife, and I have no problem with
his wanting to pay child support, etc. However
we are barely making it, everytime we get a
glim of hope, she gives us another bill.
This woman makes 2x our income, lives in a
fancy house with a pool, etc., in a doctor's
neighborhood. We live in a little mobil
home, barely feeding ourselves. Pinching
every penny.
She takes us to court every 3 years to have her
child support increased, everytime my husband
gets a raise, and begin to get our debts paid,
she takes us to court. We are about t go to
court again, Our child support will go up $100.
and our Medical Support $200., a totl of $300.
thats a lot, when you live pay check to pay
check. I have sliced everything I know to
slash out of our budget. My husband works a
2nd job, but it still will not be enough.
and oh, yeah, she informed us, on top of all
that the kids need orthodontist work to the
tune of $4,000.00 each, to which his part will
be an additional $2,000.00 per child. I do not
know where we are going to get it? It never
ends. It is beginning to create marital
problems. I just feel I have no security,
with this ex pushing us off our feet every few
months. He feels it is his duty as a father to
support his children. When is enough, enough?
There should be a guideline that if the
custodial parent is financially able, then
some of the burden should be shifted to them.
We do not even get a TAX break at the end of
the year.
The lord is my only shoulder to lean on. I
look for survival thru him, not on man. I am
disabled and unable to work, due to severe
DJD disease. I know that God takes care of the
birds, certainly he will continue to take care
of us.
But I still think it is unfair,for someone who
has wealth, to take advantage of the poor, just
because the child support laws say they can.
full well they have children from another relationship and then gripe because
their husbands have to pay out money. How self-serving is that? Yes you may
have kids of your own to support, but the first born kids take priority where
child support is concerned,like it or not. My ex husband's wife knew what she
was getting into when she married him, so why should she have my sympathy?
Expecting accountability isn't being greedy; you would feel the same way, if
the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure. Then you would be griping about not
getting enough, probably.
The attorney on here saying file, it costs money to file and most fathers can not afford an attorney. CPs don;t have that problem. Children or not, everyone would have to have the basic to live, the father is not repsonsible for the mother's lifestyle. Ever wonder why they allow chidl support to be used for credit? Look on any credit application.
to suffer just because the husband decides to start a second family when he
can't even support the first one. I don't think that people can really criticize
if they have never been in the situation. Just because someone's husband has to
help support his kids from his first marriage, doesn't mean that the ex is greedy
That is a common misconception among those who really have no idea what it is
like to be a single parent. Child support is child support; it is NOT meant as
a punishment, it is NOT meant to supplement income, it is MEANT for accountability!
That is ALL!
Because of his refusal to pay his arrearage, delinquency and monthly CS his total monthly CS payments are now costing him almost 50% of his net income. I can empathize with what he is going through and I continue to keep him in my prayers. I really do understand how difficult it is to make ends meet. I faced similar challenges during the years that he did not financially contribute to his son’s support. I had to carry the financial burden alone, even though I was unemployed.
The irony here is that when I was unemployed, I made a reasonable request for him to pay $180.00 a month. That amount would have covered his son’s tutoring costs. He refused. (Note: his current CS is now 6 times that amount) As a result, I was forced to withdraw our son from tutoring, which was both detrimental to him and disappointing for both of us. He really needed the extra help.
That coupled with his history of non-support left me no alternative but to seek Court remedy. There is no evidence that he would respond any differently without Court oversight.
My number one concern is our son. He not only needs his fathers financial support, he also needs assurance of his love. Our son’s emotional well being and self worth are slowing eroding, due to the protracted periods when his father choose not to see or call him. It sends the signal that his father doesn’t care about him and it's breaking his little heart.
His father claims he can’t afford the gas to visit. I truly understand not having the gas to visit, but a phone call to let his son know that he cares and is thinking of him means more to our son than all of the silver and gold in this world.
It has taken 33 months for our son to receive somewhat consistent financial support from his father. Despite my empathy for the financial burden that the additional payment of the delinquency has caused him, I am justifiably concerned that severing the Court's involvement will jeopardize our son's financial support. It is amazing that some fathers claim they care when the only thing they care about is them-selves. In life you don’t get DO OVERS just a chance to make things right. I really don’t think it is fair that the custodial parent should have to consider the other parent living situation especially when it includes another woman and her child(s). He chose to build a new family knowing full well he had a financial responsibility to his previous family. As for the other women, he accepted you and your past (your child) please graciously accept his past or move on.
Why don't the kids spend more time with their dad?
If Dad walked out and isn't beating down the door for more time with his kids, then I agree- use the courts.
Otherwise stop using kids as a paycheck and give them what they need which is TIME with both parents.
If the kids are a financial burden in your house, maybe they should be in the dads house.
The person who suggested that the child should live with his father is just plain STUPID. If the man does not visit, call or write the child what would make you think he would be a good person to raise a child? The man had an affair and walked out on his family. He cut all financial support and moves in with another woman and her child. What do you tell a child that misses his father but can’t understand why another child is calling his father daddy? He divorced me not his son.
This is not about a PAYCHECK. This is about a man that should step up to the plate and accept the responsibility of raising his child. That means financially and with spending time with his son. Lets also not forget in the beginning I only asked for $180 a month to cover my child’s monthly tutoring expense and he refused. My ex told me it would be a cold day in hell before he provided anything and if I wanted anything I would have to take him to court. Again, this is not about a PAYCHECK nor was it ever. I didn’t ask for money for clothing, food, shelter, books, daycare, or healthcare for his son and I was unemployed. I tried to carry that financial burden by myself. Yes, I used the word burden. The judge residing over my case said it best “I can not make the father visit his child but we can make him support his son.” Now per the courts he is paying almost 6 times more a month in CS than the original $180 that I asked for, however most of that is arrearage and delinquency.
Yes, I now have a nice house, drive a new car and am financially stable. However, that is because God blessed me with a wonderful job that pays for those things. His child support is a bonus for our child. The CS money affords our child the opportunity for good healthcare, daycare care, summer camps, music lesson, playing sports, attend tutoring, books and all of the extra things children like to do growing up in today’s world. I also deposit 20% of that money into a college tuition fund for our son and I match the same amount that is deducted directly from my work paycheck.each month
Ironically, if the father would spend time with his son, assist me with child care (I am not talking about money but babysitting his own child a few nights and on some weekends) and purchase a few articles of clothing for his son from time to time then I probably would not have taken him to court.
The true issue is we have some men who are good fathers (whether they are married or divorce) and some who are just sperm donors with no sense of responsibility. It is the father’s choice if he wants to be a caring father that spends quality time with his children or just a financial contributor. If you chose to be a financial contributor then please take that into account before you make another baby or build a family with another woman. Can you truly give your new baby, family and or step-kids the financial support they deserve or are you just robbing Peter to pay Paul.
If you think a kid living with a dad is stupid, you are the one wearing the stupid hat. Many Dads are going broke in legal fees trying to get an extra day a week with their kids.
Speaking on behalf of fathers who spend 100k trying to get more time with their kids while their ex's use CS payments as their own personal vacation and retirement fund and then violate time ordered in a parenting plan, it's time society start holding loser custodial parents accountable.
Maybe you did not read my entire post. I am referring to my ex- husband, not you and not ALL dads. If you read my entire post you would have read that I stated MY ex does not visit, nor is he knocking down my door or the courts door for visitation time. So why would you suggest our son live with him. No one said a child should not live with their father. I was raised by my father and NOT my mother and he provided me with a great childhood. My mother lived in another state and is alive.
I said if a father does not attempt to visit, call or even pay child support please do not dare suggest a child should live with the idiot that is causing emotional distress on the child. Every custodial parent is not out for a PAYCHECK. All my child need is support and accountability. Also if you would have read my post you would have read that I only asked for $180 a month. Visitation and Child support are two separate issues. During the entire time my ex refused to pay child support I still encourage my ex to visit. He refused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On behalf of ALL custodial parents who receive child support, please do us a favor and STOP trying to make us look bad because we do, some of us are doing the right thing. If the custodial parent violates time ordered in a parenting plan, then the non custodial parent should seek assistance from the court to hold the custodial parent in contempt of court and press the court to seek jail time. The judge’s gavel swings both ways!!
Neither courts nor police enforce violations of visitation rights specified in parenting plans.
They roll their eyes and tell you to get lost. The gavel swings one way only on that subject.
I've participated in legislature discussion and government seems to have finance driven agenda to make the problem worse.
BTW- I don't have kids, I am a family court watch dog.
There is a calculator that determines how much each parent is responsible for and the noncustodial parent pays their share in child support.
My daughters father was trying to lower his support and all he had to do was send in the information that the child support office required. He did not need an attorney but as has been his habit he never followed through.
I do agree there are some greedy, vengeful mothers out there and they don't realize how blessed they are to at least have a father that wants to be a part of their childrens lives. However, women that marry men with previous children really need to think about this before they commit to this man. They need to realize that he has a prior commitment to those children and that they really have no say in that matter. I am sure I will get a lot of grief over this comment but thats okay. I believe that your children need to come first especially before a second "family" and that those with children will spare them by not getting married until they are grown. Our own personal "happiness" should not be at their expense. Blended families are very hard on children. I know that most women want to have a father figure for their children however we need to look at grandfathers and pastors and most importantly, God, for this. I pray that parents can let go of their anger and put their kids first.
My viewpoint comes from being a single mother for 9 years of my 10 year olds life. Her father has no communication and has not paid more than $100 in the past year and owes over $38,000. The state of Arizona tracks him down at every job but he just moves from one to another. Also, Arizona separates child support from visitation. They do not go hand in hand and I don't believe they should.
Hopefully, I can encourage mothers to trust God and encourage fathers that not all women are angry and vengeful.
God Bless,
Sarah
with them, but that's by his disposition, not any restriction to his rights on my part. He had one crazy
girlfriend who objected to our existence, and had he married her would have no doubt called me "greedy".
Thank goodness he finally saw how nuts she was. He is now remarried to a nice lady, and we all get along
fine. She has nothing to do with the financial discussions about our children, nor does my present husband.
I have a daughter who is a dead-beat. Her son will turn 4 soon, and I believe she has probably given him
$400 and some gifts through the course of his upbringing. I am so disgusted by her behavior in regards to
her son. A parent, regardless of the gender, has a legal and moral responsibility to financially care for
their offspring. I love my daughter, but she knows that any financial assistance she wants from me will
be withheld until she does the right thing by her child.
The "second" family certainly is not unimportant, but if a couple had three children they could barely support
and then had three more, would you feel so sympathetic? The new spouse should know what the situation is
prior to marriage, and the arrival of children from this union is little concern to the previous family
from a financial standpoint. If the new couple believes they can financially care for these new children,
God bless them. If not, the first spouse has no obligation to reduce the ex-spouses obligation based on a
decision which he/she was not a party to.
I have seen more nasty new girlfriends/wives in these situations than I have bitter ex-wives. I am not
saying they don't exist, surely they do, but the odds favor the bitter new girlfriend/wife. It seems to
me like the behavior in the animal kingdom, where the male kills all the offspring of his predecessor.
Unique to humans, is that it seems to be the women who want the prior children to disappear. I know there
are a majority of really goodhearted stepmoms our there, but there are also a rather alarming number
out there who are troublemakers. Don't get involved with someone in that situation if you can't handle it. If you want someone without a past, date only 16 year olds, otherwise, grow up. And really ladies, shouldn't we be on our own team? Why do you want some guy who doesn't want to care for his children? If we all shunned these guys, they would stop behaving this way. Is the female urge to compete with other females so strong that we are
willing to step on the backs of another womans children to "win"? Win what? A loser who whines at having to take care of his responsibility? Is there really such a terrible shortage of good men that women are willing
to settle for that?
Male or female, "new" family or not, take care of your children.
I am a single mother of 2 little boys (ages 2 and 5).
My divorce was final in December, but the court order child support started January. Here the Child Support and Visitation are
seperate and it is against the law to withhold your child from the Noncustodial Parent. Also most all cases where child support is award
it is garnished from the parent, but can takes months to establish. Child Support is in no way a form of punishment for the male or up keep
for the mother. It is to try and keep the children at the same "level" as they were before the divorce.
Now I know that there are woman out there that ride the system, but most are not. When it comes down to a divorce most men make more money then there former spouse and alot of times the child support is barely enough to cover any day care expenses. My ex-husand is four months behind on child support and doesn't seem to care. He also has visitation rights, but we rarely see him. He actually agreed to less visitation because he did not want to pay the amount that the state calculates based on income and medical and day care expenses.
We should all know that this (child support) is for the kids and use it for them and what they need.
As for keeping up the Ex-Wife, What about the woman out there that have to do everything just to stay out of bankruptcy. When my Ex and I
seperated I had to leave the new house we had just bought because he was using drugs and I did not want my children around him. He was court
orderd to pay child support and his half of the bills. He was the one living in the house, using the utilities and watching the TV. Just
to keep the house out of foreclosure I had to pay the house payment and all by myself ($2,000+ a month for 7 months) and the only thing I could do, even though it was already court ordered was to take him to court which would have cost me more. Meanwhile, I was still having to take care of the kids, go to work (2 jobs), I was in school working on Masters and pay the rest of the bills we had just to keep the creditors from calling. So it really grips me to hear someone say that it is always the MAN that pays.
And to suggest a second spouse of any gender "knew what he/she was getting in to" is self-righteous, at best. Even in first marriages, we can't completely know what we are getting in to. If that were true, then divorce shouldn't be happening, because we all know what we are getting in to. Once again, I would never suggest that my husband should not pay any CS, but to suggest that your children are MORE IMPORTANT than mine because they are from the first marriage is beyond words to me. Once again, in Iowa, our children cannot be the REASON for a CS review, but they will be figured into any future reviews. And, I don't comment on poor families who keep having children. That is their decision to make, not mine. If being 100 percent financially secure was a pre-requisite to having children, there would be a LOT fewer people on the planet.
goes to my Ex Wife who has $60,000 in 2
Brand new Honda Car paymets and she is
a checker at Kroger 4 blocks away
What on earth is that all about? I never once suggested that my husband neglects his two older boys or that I think he should. I'm sorry if you are in a situation with an ex who isn't fulfilling his obligations, but how dare you suggest that my bonus kids are being neglected in any way, shape or form. I have said several times that my husband pays his support and that it is very important to me that he do that. Once again, I am sorry you are dealing with people who are not behaving as adults.
Fortunately, my bonus kids are growing up in two homes with four adults who care for them and support them financially, emotionally and mentally.
We now have two daughters of our own, and they realize what a great Dad they truly have! They are grown and can see some of the difficulties their Dad faced with "ex-wife". As she went on to destroy any relationship he might have had with his sons. I hope she has found her happiness. My husband did everything in his power to be a good dad to his sons, and yet to hear it told by her, he was the next thing to evil itself!
I really think that what goes around, comes around, and OUR children got to see their dad for who he really is. Too bad the boy's mom ruined it for them, I am sure they are better off without my "Evil Husband" and his "Evil Wife".
Does anyone ever stop to think about what this does to the kids? My husband truly did his best, and yet was punished I think, for going on and making a life elsewhere. And yes, we struggled too, while she made trips to warm places, and lived just fine.
Oh, and by the way, SHE wanted the divorce! P.S. I'm not president of her fan club...but I am grateful she threw him away! He's been a great father to MY children, and we are a very happy family!
I truly hope that if many of you will just do your best, what comes around WILL go around. And please do only good by your children.
At the same time, there are people on all sides who are responsible, loving parents and spouses. It's not fair to say
one of these groups (custodial or non-custodial parents or current spouses) is always to blame. Let indivuals be responsible for their
own actions and decisions and not those of others. That includes the decision to marry, have children, or seek divorce.
I may get a lot of flak for this, but the decision to have children is a conscious one in our wealthy nation. We have the ability to prevent conception, even if the only method one can afford is abstinence. We're human beings with conscious control over our instincts, and we should realize
that we can't always have what we want, especially if we can't afford it - and that includes children of our own. That applies equally to
single people and people in their first or subsequent marriages. If you are going to marry someone, I think you should know them well
enough to know whether they have children from a previous marriage and you should assume that they have financial responsibility to them.
If you decide to have children, you should first determine whether you can afford to raise them, keeping in mind all your financial
responsibilities.
approximately $250, which I'm told is nothing
compared to what I pay for. I have chosen to pay
for all medical, including the 5000 braces bill
that is to come up this year. I pay for all sporting
registrations and equipment. I also buy two sets of
clothing: one for my house, and one for my son when he
is at his dad's house. I pay for all school supplies
and all school lunches. The only thing I do not pay
for is food/toys/entertainment when he is at his
dad's house. I feel that the money my son's dad provides
me is adequate. I have been told that I am in a unique
situation. We even have modified the custody
arrangement so that we each get entire weekends (from
Friday after school to Monday morning at school). No more of this dropping off and seeing each other on the weekends. After reading many of the posts, it seems
like so many people are just angry.
The only time this support has hurt me financially
was when I was a single parent still finishing
my master's degree. Thanks to Dave Ramsey, Sallie Mae
is my last and final bill to pay off (I'm half way there!!!).
I hope all of you can look past the money issue and
realize that it should be for the kids.
first serve. Thus the 2nd wife should not complain. I can understand that. I wouldn't want someone
from the back of the line cutting in front of me when I have been waiting forever and a day. The
consensus is, because of that thought process, is that the father should not have anymore children until he can
comes up with more money on a steadfast basis. What, good, well thinking persons are not realizing is that
they are implying that men should not continue to breed unless they are of higher financial worth. Would
God tell you, "Do not breed unless you have the money to breed?" Does God's world revolve for the money
or the life he created?
Now I'm on the other side of the fence with my husband. My husband tries to get his son as much as he can but the mother onlyly allows the minimum. They were never married, they were never a couple, it was a causual relationship for a little over a month and she ended up pregnant. She was mad because after they found out she was pregnant he still didn't want a relationship with her. HIs son is now 6 years old and every year she has him back in court for one thing or another and to do a review of his income. Juust this last year she knew that he was laid off from his job and he got a little behind on his child support, but as soon as he got his new job he made sure that she was paid up first, then we needed to get caught up on our bills that got behind but before we could do that she made sure she had him back in court to raise his child support. We are still trying to pay off bills from last year because of this. We also have a son together, this woman doesn't care if we only had $3 to our name and needed to buy food for our son she would take it. We didn't try to get a downward modification when we had our son, at the time we could afford to support both boys fine but she keeps raising it. My husband can't even work overtime to help support our family because the guidelines take in account any overtime he works. He is currently imputed at a 50 hour work week, so to help our family he needs to work 60 hours. Of course this year when she takes him back to court they will impute the 60 hour work week.
I know every father should support their children but there needs to be something to protect the second family also. It's not fair to say that a man can't have a family. My husband was never married to her, he didn't love her and wasn't going to marry her just so he could be a father. It's not like my husband is going around trying to populate the earth, we got married and had one child together. He only has two children and they should both be supported equally and given the same rights.
You can never trust a man will be there for you or your child. If he doesn't want to pay he want.
No court in the world can make them pay. They will work under the table at any job to keep the
system from finding them. So if you want a baby be sure you alone are capable of paying for it.
I am sorry that is the cold hard facts of life.
expected to support them by themselves! Andy and the others, if the shoe was on the other foot, and men all had custody of their kids, the would EXPECT child support from their ex-wives no if, ands, or buts. It's called
accountability! Support is for the child, it is not a paycheck, it is not a punishment; it is the law!
And Chris, I TOTALLY agree with you! Some NONcustodial parents wouldn't pay at ALL, if they weren't forced.
Sad but true. Custodial parents support the kids; noncustodials have that responsibility as well. And yes,
for those step moms who complain about their husbands having to pay; the man made the choice to leave and
start another family, and the step moms chose to marry them; so that is the hand dealt. Doesn't take away
the responsibility to the child who was left. Plain and simple
you plan on getting a divorce perhaps you should
look into how much cs is going to cost you, and
ask yourself if you want out that bad. I did and
I came to the conclusion that together we can give
our kids alot more than if we were divorced. I like
my money more than I like the idea of divorcing.
would I be happier somewhere else? probally but
im not willing to take that chance at the expense
of all of our financial well being. should you stay in a
unhappy marrige because of money? perhaps not but
all relationships have problems so your really not
comeing out any better,and your kids will suffer.
its kind of like tradeing in your old car for a new one
sure you get one thats younger and with less miles and
it sure is prettier to look at but in the end you paid
way to much for it, and now your in debt for the (life of the loan)
divorce is not the end of your relationship either you still have to deal
with each other,when it envolves the kids, or even grandkids.
yes thats right its never over. my wifes parents have been divorced
for around 14 years and they still can't stand each other. we had trouble
getting together for our kids birthday parties because of it.
and it was because of both of them not just one.
the bible says you shouldn't get divorced and now we know why.
into despair. My wife is a true beleiver in the Dave Ramsey System and i have recently converted. So to better discuss how our legal
system has fallen short, (not by accident) i will use the system ie the credit/financial stability as the world sees it, not to argue a case but to bring light to it so to say.So i go to buy a car they check my credit, refferences, job stability and so on. Guess what i didnt have a job my credit was shot therefore no CAR. Went to buy a house same thing. tried a credit card same thing couldn't get a card. so because i could not afford it and my credit was shot i could not have a house,car,or even a peice of plastic.What am i getting at? i know you are wondering. Well our court system throws that system out the window when it hands children over to custodial parents and allocates support over to the other. How can the system be so tough when it comes to a silly peice of plastic and yet so blind as to hand children over to a parent who may not be financially capable of properly providing for that child. Now i know what all of the responses might be to this statement i hope i can address them all. The mom can do it better because she is a woman is out because women sometimes aren't women anymore a men the same, thats been settled by our lovly system already. So if i wanted my child whom i pay support for and have been for 15 years they wont and didn't give me right. I could have raised her on my own (no wait i'm remarried) with my spouse and would not have burdened the system with the taxing job of hiring someone just to take care of a case load that was unecessary to have to begin with.Our system puts burdens on men/womens backs that they dare not even help with. Hey and i understand that there is dead bet dads, or dads that choose to leave the child with the mother likewise the father as well. What needs to happen is the process for custody and support to better hear and judge rightly based not only on a peice of paper that calculates money being exchanged (in the states cash flow) to the parents, but to recognize that lives are ultimateley changed by the swing of the gavel. Now some are thinking wow he is ticked huh, well i dont expect things to change our world is quikly becoming what scripture said it was becoming I mjust thought it very unfair for anybody to post any comment without really taking into consideration some of the other listeners struggles with this subject. i get brought into court on a regular basis for modifications by the mother of my child she is remarried and moved quite a distance away from me. She does not work nor has she ever last year i took out a loan to pay for my daughters braces she needed them. However the money was so tight at their house that i had to pay the whole bill fairenough she'll be more beautiful than she already is. Two weeks later she (the mom) got two new ----'s (guess). So yes i am ticked and will be for a while so pray that I can hand that over to where that belongs. Not all dads are dead beats. Just broken by the system. And as for original families that should fair more attention than the second please once again listen to what was said and think real hard about it. Gods rule is true and just so to himwho has lent expect nothing in return thus receiving what the world cant give. till death do us part only applies to a marriage so ex who ever if you think that you think you should be first in his or her life after it has been said or done by whoever for whatever reason your out of your mind. Oh by the way she commited adultry however i get to sleepn the bed she made acording to our system that calculates 15 years later once again this is about people who love to type crazy notions that they think apply when in reality they don't. I'ts all situational and in todays system the true situations usally get overlooked well im just yammering on now i hope that i didnt offend anyone by this or my poor spelling or punc. so in closing i would like to say think before you type the words court, dead beat, bon bons,or ----'s HaHa.
She and her husband got divorced after he lied, cheated, became an alcoholic, and got them into debt.. She thinks he was also doing drugs but it's difficult to prove.
He suggested a child support amount for their 3 y/o son, and although she thought he could afford more, she agreed b/c she didn't want to make things more difficult. He made exactly three payments. Then he claimed he fell off a roof and couldn't work, started collecting disability, and filed to stop paying child support. Meanwhile, he was working "under the table" building decks. (Yes, we know this is true. His business partner was willing to testify to this.)
He moved out of state since he had lost his drivers license for DUI (his third!). My sister had to drive 3 hours round trip to allow him to see his son since (with his "bad back") he could not drive to see him on his own, and his girlfriend/ex-mistress didn't always want to drive him. How is she supposed to pay for gas when she isn't even getting enough child support to buy her child clothing?
My sister amassed $13k in legal bills trying to get him to pay child support. Every time he was in front of a judge or master he managed to get a continuence or he just lied through his teeth. Meanwhile, he fraudulently took out a line of credit on a home he didn't own (hers) to the tune of $44k (which he used to add on to his house and buy a boat), oh and let's not forget that he then embezzled money from the deck-building business, putting his business partner out of business.
My sister won the child support case, and his wages are garnished, but every time she figures out where he works and reports it to CS, he changes jobs. She's received about $4k from him in the past 2 years. She does not have a college degree, and it's difficult for her to get a job that makes her enough money to even cover childcare. But she works at least 40 hours per week, has no credit cards, budgets carefully, and is trying to pay off her legal bills.
AND let me add that she has never once refused to let her son see his father. They see each other weekly or every two weeks when timing is difficult.
So the next time some of you think of criticizing the custodial parents and how "greedy" they are, please think about the ones who need the money, with deadbeat ex-spouses. Seriously, isn't this supposed to be about the kids?
I have seen this through her eyes and it has been absolute hell. She was clearly in the right the entire time, and she had to spend $13k that she didn't have because of the success of his delay tactics, SHE WON, and now he's not in jail and he still isn't paying. Explain to me exactly how this system protects the custodial parent? Because I don't see it. In fact, I've pretty much lost all faith in the system.
And for those of you with other children -- you can file to get the child support payment reduced. Yes, it's helpful if you have a lawyer. What's more expensive? Hiring a lawyer or continuing to pay the child support?
of godlessness in the last days will be that mankind
will be "without love". In the original Greek,
that means "without FAMILY love". After reading
these posts, I can only pray that God will help
us and that our ministers will start preaching the
Truth of God's Word regarding marriage and divorce.
The Church needs to start calling men and women accountable. As I understand it, the two biblical reasons for divorce are abandonment (which I belive includes addiction and abuse) and adultery. If you're
just not happy - get happy! ESPECIALLY if you have children.
trying to force my loser ex-husband to "man-up"
and provide for his children. I tried to force
him to visit and I tried to force him to pay for
eleven miserable years. Thankfully I remarried
a wonderful man that gladly accepts the
financial responsibility that comes with kids.
My ex would owe $13,000 now, but tells his kids
he has paid his share. By the way, his income
is and always has been $80k per year and
court ordered support was only $750 per month.
All you women out there get the loser monkey
off your back and realize you divorced him for
a reason!!!
THE CHILD. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CHILD SUPPORT WHEN THE PARENTS WERE TOGETHER & NOW THEY ARE APART, IS YOU SEE A NUMBER. YOU PAID CHILD
SUPPORT WHEN YOU WERE TOGETHER. YOU JUST DIDN'T SEE A NUMBER. TAKING CARE OF YOUR KIDS JUST CAME NATURAL. NOW YOU ACTUALLY SEE A NUMBER COME
OUT OF YOUR PAYCHECK. YOU WERE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT FROM THE START. WHY SHOULD THERE BE A COMPLAINT NOW. RESPONSIBLE PARENTS WHO TAKE CARE
OF THEIR KIDS, DON'T SEE A DOLLAR SIGN, THEY JUST DO WHAT IT TAKES TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR KIDS. I AM A PARENT WITH A DEADBEAT EX WITH $20,000.00
ARREARAGE AMOUNT. HE WAS CONVICTED OF CRIMINAL NON-SUPPORT, FELONY. HE HAS THAT ON HIS RECORD NOW SIMPLY BECAUSE HE SAW A DOLLAR SIGN TO
TAKE CARE OF HIS KID WHEN HE DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM PAYING IT WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER.
care of our kids when we were together, but now because the money is taken
from his paycheck, he thinks he's being robbed by the system. His paychecks
PARTIALLY went to help pay from our kids before, so why should now be any different?
To all you noncustodial parents who think you are being robbed by the system,
just think about how you supported your kids before the divorce. To all the
custodial parents who don't rely on your ex for support, good for you. I have
a martyr cross with your name on it. Not all of us have "wonderful" new
husbands to help out and some of us need the child support to help with the kids.
support. My point is that hind sight is 20/20
and I wish I never had. If I had it to do over
again I would move heaven and earth to find a
way to NOT rely on the ex for support for the
years I did. If he was a responsible reliable
man it would be a different story.
I don't know about anyone else, but my ex made
me out to be a money hungry maniac out to
destroy his life and the kids picked up on that.
They had to finally face the reality of who
their dad really was when I stopped trying to
collect support that he rightfully owed.
If there is any way you can survive without your
ex's child support, from my experience and
perspective I highly recommend it.
I am the mother and custodial parent of my x's and my 2 sons. He was ordered to pay child support and 1/2 the out of pocket medical expenses. He has never paid a penny. In the meantime, I have worked 2 jobs, accepted assistance for food, clothing, and childcare because I just couldn't keep the lights on in our 2 bedroom apartment and groceries on the table with just my income.
My x had visitation with the children in January 2005 the last time and I/we haven't seen or heard from him since.
I have no problems with his wages being garnished.
I work as an accountant and get child support garnishment orders in. Inevitiably, about a month after we start deducting for it, the NCP will quit working. No wonder non-custodial parents have a bad rap as dead-beats.
And to those who pay their child support - kudos to you!
Thanks to Dave and his plan, I now have an increased income, debt paid off, and money in the bank for an emergency.
a couple days of over time in a payperiod. She now wants to take him back to court to adjust his payments because she thinks she deserves
this extra money. My husband takes care of his kids but is trying to take of his fanily and we are paying the price.
support don't lie. To Beth, do you work outside
the home? Perhaps that would help your situation.
My daughter is going to visit her father the weekend before her surgery (My Son is taking her) I am not allowed to know his address/email/phone number in order for them to visit him, he is afraid Recovery Services will find out where he lives and try to collect on the back child support. He is aware of the surgery and doctors bills etc. Because she would always call him in the car on the way home from the appointments on her cell phone and update him on what was going on. My question is: Can I ask her to ask him for help paying for her medical bills even though I doubt he will offer up much if any funds toward them. Or should I just continue to pay them all myself and write it off like I have the child support? I don't want to put her in a bad situation with her father, but she has no problem expecting me to pay for the lion's share of the medical expenses. I don't expect to see anothe dime of the back child support, but these medical expenses are getting overwhelming.
Parents - try your best to keep the cildren your focus. Money problems will come and go, but the years you give your children while they are young can never be recaptured. For the parents that choose not to be involved, well, you have missed out.
or whoever the non-custodial parent is...should contribute financially towards the childs care. But all
of you who are complaining because your new husband has to take care of his first wife's kids? Try this
one on for size:
My husband and I got married May 4th of last year. In August of last year (2007), we found out that my
husband has a SIX YEAR OLD SON living in the state of Georgia. This child's mother waited SIX YEARS to
pursue a paternity test and child support. We've never met this child, and I personally have no desire to,
but we're paying for him every single month. We couldn't have our own children right now if we wanted to,
because we wouldn't be able to afford them because we're paying for this girl's kid.
Child support and the way it is set up gives women an excuse to pop out illegitimate children and live off
of some poor guy and the government. Yes, it was irresponsible on my husband's behalf to have carelessly
slept with this chick when he was 20 years old. But she and she alone made the decision to keep this child
and raise it; he played no part whatsoever in that decision, he had no choice in that matter. Now she pops
up six years later wanting child support. Excuse me? Explain to me how that's right. And in three years,
I'm sure the case will get reviewed and the amount will go up. It's infuriating, at best. My mother has
worked for child support for 10 years and I still disagree with the way it's handled...because like someone
else said, it's a blanket answer, and that is completely unfair in many, many cases.