By Jon Acuff

I don’t know much about being married. Despite almost 10 years of matrimony, I still consider myself to be a ridiculous rookie.

Take for instance the Christmas I bought my beautiful wife a pair of snowshoes. That might not seem that stupid, but please allow me to elaborate.

My wife is from Georgia.
My wife hates the snow.
My wife feels that seven flakes of snow gathered together constitute “too much snow.”
My wife abhors the cold.

Into that moment, to that person, I gave some expensive, nice snowshoes. She wore them once and then placed them in the “closet o’ dumb,” where most of the gifts I give her end up. But, there is one thing I have learned about marriage over the years.

There are four words that even I am wise enough not to say—four words that I beg you not to ever utter to your husband or wife. I know we’re just getting to know each other, and I’ve only written a few articles, but please, please trust me on this one.

Never tell your spouse, “If you would just…”

I don’t care how you finish that sentence, it’s always a grenade of conversational awfulness. Usually you end up saying something like, “If you would just stop buying shoes, we’d never have financial problems.” Or, “If you would just stop playing golf all the time, we’d have all the money we ever needed.”

The reason this is such a bad thing to say is that it’s simply not true. I wish it were. I wish there were some magical, unicorn-like move you could do that would instantly fix all your financial problems for the rest of time. I wish that your trouble would be automatically resolved if you only stopped golfing or buying shoes. But money is always bigger than that. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

The other reason this statement is so bad is that it points the finger. When you say, “If you would just…” what you’re really saying is, “It’s your fault we’re in this mess. I had nothing to do with it. It’s on you, not me.” And nothing good comes from a conversation in which you and your spouse just pass the buck back and forth. Budgets don’t get built on blame. They get built on honesty and teamwork and accountability.

And all those things go right out the window when you point the finger.

Guys, girls, everyone who is married, listen to me please, I beg you. Don’t ever use the phrase, “If you would just…”

You should also avoid snowshoes, too, if at all possible.

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